by gillian claire: November 2020



"Take Two."

Photos: 2017- Ash by the creek, our now house in the background.

Life is lived in circles. Circling the sun, through seasons... and for the 7 years we’ve lived in this neighborhood, we’ve been circling around these paths & trails as well. I have countless pictures of my boys through the years in the same spots. Tiny with big trees, playing in front of mountains, standing by the creek soaked in sunflare. So many walks during some of the darkest times for me. Years ago, in therapy, I shared that the only time I felt peace was on my daily walk and my therapist suggested, “take two.”

These trails hold many ghosts for me, good and bad. Walking to forget & distract but also to be with nature & with my sweet growing boys. I see them through the years, picking flowers, riding scooters, running, laughing, pushing our cat in the stroller... So many memories swirling and circling, sometimes my brain can’t catch up to how we got to today. But we’re here, feet planted as the world still moves.

In July, we bought a house right next to this creek & green path. I’ve been here hundreds of times, so many pictures and memories made. And in the background of those photos, now- I see my future. My fence, our house waiting.

One foot in front of the other, the loops don’t stop. I’m still prone to using distraction to cope. Quiet is always unsettling for me. As the memories spin, I try to sort through these collected snapshots flipping through my mind. I want to learn that I don’t need to constantly be on the chase. But when the stillness gets hard, I’ll keep walking. Circling the past, present & future- trying to make sense of it all.



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