by gillian claire: August 2011



stronger music video.

ok i figured out how to post a video. well kind of, i don't know how to put it in my last post. but here's the song i was talking about :)

one month.

well this little guy is one month old now. it's just as crazy as i imagined it would be. one day i'm pregnant, the next day he's here, and i can't imagine that he ever wasn't. i can't beleive 5 weeks ago he was kicking around inside of me. i can't beleive i gave birth already. i can't beleive i have two babies now.
i don't understand how these things happen. i'm married, i have a baby, i have another. snap snap snap. i guess i'm growing up.

today, as i drove asher and roman to asher's one month doctor check up, the song "Stronger" by Mandisa came on the radio. this song seemed to become really popular during this past spring, when i was pregnant with asher, and driving to school an hour away two days a week. the lyrics of this song have always made think of childbirth. i have so many memories of driving to school in the rain, tearing up as i sang this song. imagining pushing my baby out into the water, and meeting his perfectness for the first time.
so today, i heard it again. this time with my TWO babies in the backseat. asher's here, and he's perfect. i was filled with joy singing the words,

" The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger "

 thinking about asher's birth. how i got the beautiful uninvasive childbirth that i so dreamed of. this song means so much to me. it reminds me not only of the wonderful births of my babies, but of my place in life right now. my pregnancy was such a struggle in a lot of ways. both physically and emotionally. tears just poured from my eyes as i thought of the place i was 2 months ago, and the place i am now. God has answered so many prayers in my life. i still have so many struggles, but God is so redeeming and this song reminds me how he has worked through my life:

"Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares"

Stronger by Mandisa.

four weeks.


thursday morning.

just some photos of our morning.
 holding my newborn. (there aren't enough pictures like this!)
asher having some "diaper-free" time on the porch, to help his poor little rash.
roman and aaron playing basketball together.
summer - please never leave!


three weeks.

just a little asher update.
three weeks old.
having a newborn to photograph is one of the highlights of my life right now,
the other highlight is having a newborn in general :)

first week.

asher's first week of life in the hospital
 was one of the longest and most fleeting,
most beautiful and most terrifyingly exhausting,
most memorable
weeks of my life.

laying in that gorgeous birthing tub, looking out at the beautiful afternoon sky,
realizing that no, the water is NOT going to take away the pain of my baby coming out.
slippery, purple, tiny, perfect baby on my chest grunting for breath.
the sadness and worry of having him taken away.
seeing him so little and sweet in his warming bed, covered with tubes, breathing too fast.
finally skin to skin again with my baby at one day old.
moving to a new room in the nursery.
waiting to see roman again with butterflies in my stomach,
 he looked SO big.
watching his eyes twinkle, and seeing the most real smile i've ever seen as he saw his baby brother for the first time.
finally getting to bring my baby to my hospital room for little bittersweet moments at a time.
wrinkly peely newborn skin.
breastfeeding again.
evenings in the nursery with my husband.
watching asher mimick my husband's faces.
bumblebee blanket.
finally going home.


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