by gillian claire



"Take Two."

Photos: 2017- Ash by the creek, our now house in the background.

Life is lived in circles. Circling the sun, through seasons... and for the 7 years we’ve lived in this neighborhood, we’ve been circling around these paths & trails as well. I have countless pictures of my boys through the years in the same spots. Tiny with big trees, playing in front of mountains, standing by the creek soaked in sunflare. So many walks during some of the darkest times for me. Years ago, in therapy, I shared that the only time I felt peace was on my daily walk and my therapist suggested, “take two.”

These trails hold many ghosts for me, good and bad. Walking to forget & distract but also to be with nature & with my sweet growing boys. I see them through the years, picking flowers, riding scooters, running, laughing, pushing our cat in the stroller... So many memories swirling and circling, sometimes my brain can’t catch up to how we got to today. But we’re here, feet planted as the world still moves.

In July, we bought a house right next to this creek & green path. I’ve been here hundreds of times, so many pictures and memories made. And in the background of those photos, now- I see my future. My fence, our house waiting.

One foot in front of the other, the loops don’t stop. I’m still prone to using distraction to cope. Quiet is always unsettling for me. As the memories spin, I try to sort through these collected snapshots flipping through my mind. I want to learn that I don’t need to constantly be on the chase. But when the stillness gets hard, I’ll keep walking. Circling the past, present & future- trying to make sense of it all.



Idaho Sunsets

For months we've all been seemingly looking at the same things every day. Whatever our views may be... there is a similar sameness to the routine. For 7 months, we've been locked down. 

For us, Quarantine has looked like:

-two parents juggling 40 hour work weeks,

-two bored kids doing 100% virtual school,

-losing my freelance Virtual Assistant work for the time being but being truly thankful to not be working extra during this time and for somehow maintaining a full-time job,

-house hunting like crazy & putting offers on 3 houses,

-buying a home in Colorado, *a huge blessing

-adopting the little white kitten of our dreams, *blessing #2, I've been manifesting this Colorado house & white kitten and they both came true this summer. 

-many tears of overwhelm, guilt & stress, (why do we carry so much unnecessary weight?)

-moments of worry about making the right choices and keeping our kids safe,

-moving/packing/purging an entire home for the second time in a calendar year,

-diving into renovations, 

-going off my antidepressants & struggling with a huge dip in emotions,

-thankful to be some of the lucky ones who kept their jobs & health but thankful amidst pure exhaustion.


The past 7 months have seemed consumed with an unbelievable turn of events on earth: a pandemic, mandatory mask wearing, rules & guidelines we never imagined we'd experience in our lifetime. Our nation has experienced a strong but inevitable divide as we approach this year's election. We've looked towards friends & family members and asked, "how?" as we find our beliefs so drastically opposing. Our land feels filled with devastation: floods, hurricanes & fires. Our fire here in northern Colorado has been raging & growing for over 2 months strong.

The past 7 months have been overwhelming & honestly lonely for me. One of the best decisions we made recently was to get away. We took a 4 day road trip from Colorado through Wyoming, Montana & stayed in Idaho. It was the best decision to spend 4 days constantly lifting our eyes towards something beautiful. 

Our last night in town Aaron, Asher & I  drove down the back road behind our resort looking for rocks and I took pictures of cows.

These were my absolute favorite moments of the trip... silence for miles around, massive mountains reminding me just how little our problems are. My husband looking for rocks with my sweet little boy, and me: taking pictures of some of my favorite animals standing strong as the sun went down. 

The past 7 months have been so ridiculously hard.

I seem to be going through the motions but when I close my eyes, sometimes I still see this Idaho sunset. 

Island Park, Idaho
late September, 2020


Of sunflowers.


In a world filled with disappointment, all I see here is goodness & hope for the future. In a sea of sunflowers, they are turning their faces towards you.

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Roman, age 12
Windsor, Colorado

Our Little White Cat

Meet our new kitten, Melo!
My desire to adopt a second kitty has heightened since COVID but we wanted to wait until we moved before bringing another cat home. Since we're closing on our house this week so I figured it's as good a time as any! (I couldn't wait any longer, I have kitten fever...)
I came across "Pyrite" on Instagram and fell in love when I came across the photo of this sweet white kitten.
Melo is deaf but it definitely doesn't hold him back at all. He is playful & curious as all get out but also the sweetest, most cuddly baby when he finally tuckers himself out. 
Is there anything sweeter & more pure in this world than a kitten? Asher has dreamt of having an "all white cat" since he was very small. I'm so happy to have made his wish come true.
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9 years of magic

9 years of magic with this one!
My rainbow after loss, my dream come true natural childbirth & my miracle NICU baby. I vividly remember asking God to protect this soul and I still truly don't take his answers for granted. 
Happy Birthday Ash. 
9 years ago this month was when this blog was born as well!

Here's a throw back to the post where I introduced baby Asher. :) 

Behind The Mask

Behind The Mask: my sweet firstborn who just graduated 6th grade from home! ❤️

I’ve put in late nights with this one who hasn’t seen his friends in 50 days, who is missing his first season of track and whose dreams of “the best summer ever,” have been put on hold.
Despite his worries that Coronavirus will never go away, he is making lists of what he wants to do during this time, learning new basketball skills and making memories with his family. Stay strong sweet boy, this will end. 

You are water.

I wrote about you, sweet boy, before you were here. My little Ash- I dreamt of you. First your name, then of your soft golden hair. You are the best secret I even wrote down on paper all those years ago.

If only I could write the rest of your life for you just as easily. I would say: be strong, be courageous, be a peacekeeper.

You are water. Sweetly rushing down the river always chasing the next thought.
Peace between the trees, you've offered the world your time.
You have a spirit boundless as the mountains...
don't forget to find yourself sweet boy.



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