by gillian claire: Colton



The Bachelor Recap: Colton's Premier!

Ok, first let's talk about the elephant in the room... Colton's virginity... oh WAIT, production has been anything but discrete about this topic since we met Colton months ago. I've had some hesitations about this season because of how much they've played up the simple fact that Colton Underwood has never had sex. I mean, the whole "what does he have to lose"  tagline- oh my god please make it stop.

Overall, I think it's really neat that this show has shed light on the topic of virginity with big names such as Ashley I, Becca Tilley... and now Colton. It's been refreshing to see a different perspective! I just had to roll my eyes through all the virginity jokes last night and try to enjoy the episode.

Photo Via ABC/Rick Powell

So, night one. 3 hours. Wow. Because I'm a mom of two kids, I usually keep up with The Bachelor on Hulu. This year though, I'm trying something new. I moved the TV from the living room into my bedroom, grabbed my dinner, turned on my salt lamp (setting the mood here, guys) and shut the door for 3 hours. Bye bye family: it's Bachelor/Mommy time.

I liked the way they did the premier this time around. I felt like they mixed it up well with the different live viewing parties, the cute little mashup of all the Bachelor babies, and of course the tribute to Chris Harrison which literally brought tears to my eyes. (I need help.)

Which brings me to my next point... I also cried during the two fan proposals and that my friends is how you know I'm the type of person who gets sucked into a show as ridiculous as the Bachelor...

Limo Entrance Rundown

I can't even believe that I can still sit through this after so many years. I mean I kind of think episode one is a snooze fest every time but I'm a devoted fan so I must watch.

Here are my notes....

Demi: why exactly did she have to say "banana yellow" after Colton complimented her dress color? The next time someone compliments my, uh blue sweater I guess I'll come back Demi-style with, "That's sky blue, baby." Needless to say; I cringed.

Photo Via ABC/Rick Powell

Did anyone else get serious middle school throwback vibes from Cassie's dress? I swear it's the exact type of dress my sister and I would wear to Easter Sunday mass in the 90s.

Photo Via ABC/Rick Powell

Can we talk about Kirpa's hair... did anyone else notice?!? SHE WORE HER HAIR ALL THE WAY UP! She gets major props from me for this very un-Bachelor-esque first night move. Kirpa looked adorable. I love her.

The Sloth: watching Colton's face while The Sloth made her entrance was priceless... I mean he didn't even hide how much he hated this. This must be how people feel when they first see their Tinder date in person and they don't look like their photos.

Top 2 Eye-Roll Moments

Then we have those all those stereotypical Bachelor moments that make us all roll our eyes while simultaneously grabbing more popcorn because we love to hate them every year....

Here are my top 2 eye-roll moments:

The police car rolled down the driveway with sirens blaring and the girls all ran to look out the window like, "Oh my gosh what's happening??" What's happening? Um, a girl is using a police car as her entrance and you all know that perfectly well so PIPE DOWN.

When Demi grabbed Colton immediately after his speech for some one-on-one time and the girls are like "Woah, woah- it's happening now I guess." Some are seemingly shocked by how quickly she whisked him away... Ladies, have you ever even seen an episode of this show that you're on right now? What are y'all confused by and what did you think was going to happen? Maybe a nice sit down dinner before the sharks started feeding?

One-On-One Time

Not even going to talk about the whole Catherine stealing him 4 times and girls getting up in arms. Been there, done that- Every. Single. Season.

                                                      Photo Via ABC/Rick Powell

I do want to make a quick comment on what it's like watching The Bachelor in my 30s. It hit me when I was listening to Miss North Carolina and Colton's convo about how they are apparently mature beyond their years. MNC talks about how she's been through a lot and that even at only 22 (read: basically a newborn) she seems much older. Colton responds with how he's experienced more than some people in their... wait for it, "30s" gasp! My question is; what if you are said person in their 30s who has also experienced and been through a lot in life? Does that make me basically 50 now? Seriously wondering.

Banana Yellow Demi is back... talking about she's not afraid to get dirty and says, "I know, I look so pretty right?" I now appreciate when she said banana yellow and wish she would have stuck with color explanations instead of the whole, "I'm soooo pretty, right??" Gag.

Best Quotes of the Night

"Wow, I really could have done better than a bag of nuts" DEAD

"He needs to know that I'm more than just fruit!" Preach.

Hey, Let's Talk about the Virgin Thing Again...

Alright guys, premier night down. Bringing it back around to Colton's v... well ya know. On a more serious note, I'd like to point out the blatant blasphemy in the fact that if The Bachelorette was a virgin, SO much of this banter would be highly inappropriate and rightfully so! It does bother me how it's ok to poke fun at a guy about this topic. Why can't the issue of virginity be treated the same regardless of gender?

I think Ben Higgins did an excellent job approaching this topic on the Almost Famous Podcast today.

How do you all feel about this issue? Are we really being progressive by mocking an entire life choice?

.... and on a lighter note... spill all of your favorite cringeworthy moments and all your feelings about The Bachelor premier with me below!


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