little.

"you can always call me little, but i won't always be little."

this is what roman said to me the other night and it broke my heart as motherhood always does. these photos were taken a while back and they definately capture a little bit of the sweetness that is roman. his namaw and papaw bought this curious george for him on his second Christmas and that round little sweet monkey face reminded me just of roman as a toddler. he has certainly already grown since these photos were taken in june. another summer has passed leaving him a little bigger. but he is still  just as sugary sweet and precious to me as the day he was born. and he still has that bright shining round smiling face. i'm thankful that i can always call him little,

 and i'm thankful that today he still is.

brothers.

 yes, every morning around here pretty much starts with roman in tears because asher is attempting to yank roman's hair out.sweet little asher is a total lover of biting and swiping us in the face. i don't know what it is, but he seriously loves to attack us. i guess maybe the reaction is just so exciting to him. i'm not for sure, but he just delights in kicking me in the face as hard as he can, or trying to bite my face off. it can be very trying at moments.
and i've realized by watching my four year old's reaction to this, that roman displays much more patience than i do. i may not cry out as much as roman does, although i definately have my, "ASHER" moments when he is yanking my hair out and kicking me in the face at the same time... but roman is quick to forgive and overall has been amazing with having a fighting biting little brother who doesn't share and doesn't cooperate!
 i want to say that i am more mature and patient and kind than a four year, but some days i really feel like it is the other way around. it's amazing the things that our little ones teach us. roman, with his gentle love towards our family inspires me. so here's to today - a day for me that will probably be filled with listening to roman's plans for his newest creation,  "spooky buddies" and yes probably a few bites from my littlest. hopefully i can handle it with as much grace as a four year old :)

brown county, indiana. 

(p.s. this was taken on our vacation when roman still had a terrible black eye from running into a picnic table!)

zero.

just some photos from asher's last day of being "zero", the day before his first birthday. the birthdays of my little boys always stress me to no end. i don't like that they are getting older, i don't like it one bit. the evening before asher turned one, i tried reasoning myself. i know that his first birthday is a good milestone. asher came into my world with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and his lungs filled with fluid. he was taken from me and no one could tell me that he would be okay. but now he is more than okay, he is wonderful and perfect and i cannot imagine him not being with me. so thank God that he is one, i know that is a good thing. but it's just hard for me to see these days passing away. i want to hold onto them so hard, i never want to let them go. i know that these moments will be the best in my life.

my four year old right now.

of course everyone thinks that their child is the best in the world, and my feelings about roman are no different. roman is such a gift. i am seeing him just explode into the person that he is. he has such determination and such a fascinating mind. when he gets an idea, he has to get to work and busy himself with it for hours or even days. whether it be science experiments that he is conducting in the bathroom sink or working on his collections of random small objects or making "set ups" of any number of random things - he is always working, creating and organizing. he is very scientific and he thrives reading science books that are way above his age level. he is a self proclaimed artist and sometimes at night he can't sleep until he draws - getting down on paper all the things swirling around in his busy mind. he loves to read books and is continuing to learn sounds and sight words. i have thrown in the towel as far as organized homeschooling for the summer but i keep thinking about next year and how excited i am to nurture this creative smart young mind.

to my almost one year old.

to my almost one year old:

oh asher, 

your big open mouthed kisses, your curly wispy blond hair, your ever-willing smile, your wiggling and giggling on the bed, the way you tip your head back and do your ridiculous old man chuckle, the way you sing with me, the way you great each morning with hugs and kisses and cuddles.

oh asher,

 you are the sweet happy sunshine in my sky.

thank you for coming into my life, 

for growing inside me, for bringing me life and birth and new love, 

for allowing me to mother and cherish you
all the days of my life.

our anniversary.

this year for our wedding anniversary we went to brown county, indiana to celebrate 12 years of knowing each other, 6 years of marriage and 2 wonderful little boys. this was back in march and since we are getting ready to head out to brown county again this weekend for a family vacation with aaron's family, i thought i'd finally share some of these photos :)

our cabin was amazing and was my dream home. tiny and perfect. it was a warm spring this year so the weather was lovely. i brought along my new camera and went a little photo crazy. by the end of the trip i was wearing myself out with the picture taking!

these boys.

these boys,

my heart.

while trying to upload photos on photoshop i stumbled upon how to use my computer's camera!

yes! i was super excited...

i love the progression of roman's face in these, hah!

and asher is just eyeing the keyboard waiting for a chance to bang on it :)

ten percent.

last night was filled with all these great dreams. i mean really, great dreams. i dreamed that i was fourteen again and hugging aaron goodbye at church camp. we slipped notes into each other's pockets. i felt filled with that girly feeling of falling in love. then it fast forwarded to a dream where asher was a newborn. he was wearing a little striped outfit and i was holding him, all curled up, in front of the window, and saying to myself in my head, "remember this moment. because the rest of your life you will miss this."

today i'm at the coffee shop with my boys while aaron works down the street. i really have everything i've ever wanted. the boy who i daydreamed of eleven years ago is now my husband. i have a little four year old artist boy. who says to me, "mama, would you like to go to the coffee shop with me today?" who brings his little bag of art supplies in with him. 

i have my teeny chubby roly poly baby, who i hoped and prayed for. who wears his brother's hand me downs. he smells like a cabbage patch baby and smiles without me even having to ask.

i wish i could always remind myself of this.

90 percent of my life feels like pure chaos. breastfeeding on the floor in front of the space heater in a freezing house. surrounded by a huge mess. piles of laundry that will get worn without ever being folded. exhausted with dirty hair. feeling like i can't accomplish anything.

yeah, that's about 90 percent of my life.

but i guess it's this,

watching roman light up when he sees the chalkboard wall in the bathroom at the coffee shop,

sipping a caramel iced coffee next to my sleeping little cherub baby asher,

this golden 10 percent is what keeps me going.
and reminds me that this is all i've ever wanted.

asher and i amidst the chaos.