fifteen months.

asher actually turns 18 months old tomorrow, however i really wanted to share these 15 month photos from the fall before it's way too late :)

dear asher,

                i'm sorry that i get so frustrated when you kick + kick + kick my face, grab, scream, whine, destroy and get into everything. you have a strength about you that just tests my selfishness almost every day. but there is also a poetry about you that is a gift to my soul. the way you twirl  and twirl and twirl my hair, the way you lay your head on my chest and sing with me, the way you've always given such genuine kisses + hugs since you were only months old. tonight in the bath amidst a dreary weary day, we heard "rainbow connection" come on from the muppets movie playing in the living room and we sang and danced and smiled and hugged - all in slow silky motion. your special darling smile, your warm baby butter body melting into my arms. those are the moments that make me want to scream with joy. thank you my asher, for bringing me new life each day.

love ,mama

 (taken from my journal when asher was about 14 months old)

p.s. i'm SO excited to now be writing on the spearmint baby website!
read my first post from today here :)

2011.

2011

sick sick sick days of pregnancy.

my dream of having two little boys coming true.

a beautiful birth, a frighteningly long week at the hospital.

special moments at special places with aaron, my best friend of 11 years, my husband for 5.

moving to the country.

roman weaning at 3 years and 2 months, playing with his babies, talking to my tummy,

picking flowers for mama, becoming a brother, wanting to be just like dada – his “buddy”,

 becoming an artist, loving homeschool.

babywearing + breastfeeding.

growing asher, then watching asher grow.

(i'm pretty sure this is the ONLY photo i have of us as a whole family!)

due date.

well, yesterday has come and gone. my "due date". such pressure surrounding that day, and such pressure i've felt, feeling like the countdown is on.

my midwife appointment today was very emotional, but ultimately refreshing. i finally felt like i really got what i wanted when i decided to switch to midwifery care for this pregnancy. we spent a lot of time talking about my feelings about this birth. and about my decisions on how to handle this last stretch of pregnancy.

afterwards, i had a nice long hour drive home through the countryside with my husband and son. i drank my mcdonalds coffee while unloading a lot of emotions to my husband that have been building up as this birth approaches me.

right now, i feel good. i feel much more peaceful. i feel content with the decisions i've made, to deliver with midwives, an hour away. i feel blessed to have had a good discussion with my husband and to have his love. i feel good about my decisions. oh, and i finally got my aden + anais swaddling blankets that my mom bought me in the mail :) so yeah, it's a good day.

(yesterday,

july 20

my due date.)

my two boys.

this is one of my favorite pregnancy pictures, taken by my husband when i was 33 weeks pregnant. here i am six weeks later, awaiting baby's due date with much anticipation. it's crazy to me that at any moment - everything will change. i'm having a lot of cramping, a lot of contractions. things are moving along, but i still wake up every morning with a sleeping baby tucked inside. things seem so peaceful now, one boy on the outside running around with all my attention showered over him. his brother, just a big round basketball on mommy's tummy. soon there will be two, and everything will be so so different.

and so perfect. :)

nine months.

i've finally made it to july. my due date is less than two weeks away, and it definately feels very surreal. i don't feel that desperation that i remember feeling at this point in my pregnancy with roman, after nine weary and blurry months of hyperemesis hell. now that i'm here, nine months, i'm just left looking at this belly of mine in wonder, wondering how this time in my life snuck up on me.

labor is definately making it's way to me, i feel my body preparing itself in many ways. i just can't wrap my mind around the fact that any day now could be the day that brings me that moment of finally looking into the eyes of this tiny beauty hiding inside me.

last night was filled with strange dreams about fighting giant chameleons and tearing my way out of netted elevators in the jungle. my husband says it represents the challenge of birth that is ahead of me. i guess it really IS going to happen, whether it feels real to me or not.