belly photos.

So, during my pregnancy, I really tried to do the once a week photo in the front of the mirror thing. Dreaming of a collage like THIS. I've finally put it together. And yes, I missed out on a few weeks here and there, especially towards the end when I tried to have more REAL pictures of me taken. I'll have to post some of those another time also. During my pregnancy, I was really obsessed with other people's belly photos, so I'm happy to finally have so many of my own!

Asher was born two days after that last picture. :)

And, here we are seven weeks later after our walk last night! (Asher in the moby wrap.)

first photoshoot.

asher michael's first photoshoot,

nine days old.

six weeks.

these photos were taken on friday, asher's six week birthday.

every friday i get so sentimental about asher's birth. will i do this the rest of my life?

no, probably not. i don't think about roman's birth every thursday.

but for now, asher's birth is still taking over every corner in my mind.

he's six weeks old!

i love his mohawk, and when he talks to me while he smiles.

he loves when i sing "beautiful one" to him.

he kicks those little legs like crazy.

he spends many hours nursing and cuddling.

mmm, baby days.

on a different note, i am now technically out of my "postpartum period". which is funny to think of.

six weeks - BAM you're done. as if a mind and body can really be over the massiveness of BIRTH in six weeks. yikes.

happy six weeks "little dashing one".

big brother.

it's been so tough watching roman go through the transition to becoming a big brother.  i actually didn't expect that it would be this hard. i thought i did everything right during my pregnancy. we involved roman every step of the way. we talked about our baby constantly. hours of conversation were shared between roman and my belly. but the past month and a half, roman has struggled a lot with the change. there has been much anger and acting out on his part.

i break inside thinking of roman now having to share his two best friends, aaron and i. having to grow up. learning to be more self-sufficient. all the while watching this little creature snuggle in HIS mama's arms. where just last year he still layed in to nurse. i know this is the way life goes. but it's too much for my heart to take thinking of these things.

i know roman will grow out of this stage. and soon he will be over the moon happy to have his own walking and talking little friend.

but oh to see his struggle, it's hard. and likewise it's hard for me; figuring out how to break my heart in two. to find enough of myself to give equally to these two little wonders God has given to me.

stronger music video.

ok i figured out how to post a video. well kind of, i don't know how to put it in my last post. but here's the song i was talking about :)

one month.

well this little guy is one month old now. it's just as crazy as i imagined it would be. one day i'm pregnant, the next day he's here, and i can't imagine that he ever wasn't. i can't beleive 5 weeks ago he was kicking around inside of me. i can't beleive i gave birth already. i can't beleive i have two babies now.

i don't understand how these things happen. i'm married, i have a baby, i have another. snap snap snap. i guess i'm growing up.

today, as i drove asher and roman to asher's one month doctor check up, the song "Stronger" by Mandisa came on the radio. this song seemed to become really popular during this past spring, when i was pregnant with asher, and driving to school an hour away two days a week. the lyrics of this song have always made think of childbirth. i have so many memories of driving to school in the rain, tearing up as i sang this song. imagining pushing my baby out into the water, and meeting his perfectness for the first time.

so today, i heard it again. this time with my TWO babies in the backseat. asher's here, and he's perfect. i was filled with joy singing the words,

" The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger "

 thinking about asher's birth. how i got the beautiful uninvasive childbirth that i so dreamed of. this song means so much to me. it reminds me not only of the wonderful births of my babies, but of my place in life right now. my pregnancy was such a struggle in a lot of ways. both physically and emotionally. tears just poured from my eyes as i thought of the place i was 2 months ago, and the place i am now. God has answered so many prayers in my life. i still have so many struggles, but God is so redeeming and this song reminds me how he has worked through my life:

"Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares"

Stronger by Mandisa.

four weeks.