by gillian claire: thoughts on sleep.

2.27.2014

thoughts on sleep.

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our current sleeping situation consists of a full sized bed and a twin sized bed pushed together to make one sort of mega-bed in our room. and yes, we all sleep there together.
roman and asher do have a bed in their room. it exists, but pretty much solely serves to house a surprisingly large collection of stuffed animals. roman has fallen asleep in his own bed for periods of time in his life. but right now, it's all of us, all together, all night, every night: family bed style.
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yesterday, i was telling roman how i think that he and his brother must have little magnets inside their bodies that pull them towards me every night. i'm always scooting someone over or pushing a leg off of my back. these little boys make their rounds all over the bed, and all over us, every night.
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sometimes it can be frustrating, but talking to roman about their little "magnets" and seeing him smile that sweet-still-a-little-boy smile, made it worth it in that moment.
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 i have so many sweet nighttime memories with my boys and i've felt thankful to be able to love on them all night long for so many years. one favorite memory pressed tight into my heart is of roman when he was less than a year old and nursing for the millionth time in the night. for whatever reason, i just felt so grateful and alive and i stared into his round, moon glowing face, feeling happy and so in love. i still remember perfectly how that face looked, and i still remember that special small moment that i pulled into my heart and savored, many years ago during one random night.
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 co-sleeping, or "bed-sharing" is definitely not for everyone, and frankly sometimes it's not for me either. in fact, i am really struggling right now with asher's sleeping situation, and yeah - it would probably be much better if he didn't spend each and every night right next to me. i'm not one to say never or forever, so maybe one day i soon i'll ship these boys out to their own beds; or maybe they'll stay and stay.
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so no, it's not always perfect and my decisions are hardly the best or greatest parenting decisions of all time. this is not a co-sleeping public service announcement.
but it is what we chose for our family thus far and right now i'm just mulling it over in my mind.
right now, i treasure these sweet, soft little angels in my bed.
and when I push their warm sleepy bodies aside, trying to find a little bit of space for myself,
i'm at least thankful that they are still there to find me :)
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5 comments:

  1. Henry still shares a bed with us, and like you, we have nights that I absolutely love having him snuggled up close to me, and nights that I wish he was in his own bed so that I could rest a little more peacefully. His crib-turned-bed is in our room but I can count on two hands the amount of times he's slept in it. We turned it into a fort yesterday in hopes that he would be a little more apt to want to sleep there. We're not forcing it, and I really enjoy having him in bed with us, but it may be time to let him sleep on his own from time to time - if for no other reason than a little more closeness between Jeremy and I some nights.

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  2. I co-sleep with my daughter until age 7, when we gave her a room of her own she was excited and the transition went smoothly. I think it's because she really want a space for her.

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  3. I can definitely relate to this. I lay with Mason in his bed every night until he falls asleep. Most nights I fall asleep with him. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and go back to my bed and some nights I just stay there until my alarm in the morning. If I do go back to my bed it's only for a couple of hours. Mason calls me back in there the minute he realizes I am gone. Some nights I get frustrated, but the minute he wraps his little arms around me those feelings of frustration go away and instead I am happy that my little boy wants to cuddle his Mama!

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  4. roman will no longer fall asleep with me. there were so many days (hours) where i longed to be able to sleep in peace, alone -- and now he won't fall asleep anywhere but on his own. he is the lightest of sleepers just like his mama. your words and photographs are just gorgeous as always. <3

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  5. we did co-sleeping for the longest time as well. i completely hear ya on the memories and the sweetness of having them close. although sometimes a bit uncomfortable when their feet end up on your face ;) - but sweet nonetheless knowing they're close and feel you close. mine are older now so it'd be pretty unreasonable to have a nine year old in the same room, but when they have nightmares or their tummies hurt, they know there's no hesitation in coming into mommy and daddy's room to sleep. you gotta do what your heart feels is best for as long as you feel is best.

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