by gillian claire: lessons in motherhood.

5.22.2013

lessons in motherhood.

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i always hear that saying about new moms "coming out of the newborn fog." i never felt too bad adjusting to my newborns. i mean yeah sure birth is exhausting but breastfeeding and being up all night and changing diapers feels natural to me and everything newborn is just intoxicating and wonderful and gives me a sort of newborn high. but there is this other fog that i always feel myself trying to pull out of and it is related to my littlest: asher. 
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asher who is full, full, full of energy and passion and love. who was the happiest little birdy of a newborn who just smiled away in his little rocking bed while i homeschooled roman or sucked cheerfully on my arm in the sling. and then as he became more baby and less newborn, he became more and more work. fussy fussy fussy for many hours. and yet also a happy, jolly, chubby elf of a boy with the roundest face and goofiest little smile i ever saw. and now, he is that same happy happy baby - tearing off after birds in the yard, reciting his family's names all in a row ( mama, dada, mono - yaaaay!) and hopping in the stroller full of excitement for a chance to sit back while we walk and point out all the things he knows and loves in the world. This boy is so, so full of passion. he loves with this passion as well and gives us the deepest most sincere hugs complete with gentle pats on the back and cooing. he sings and kisses and loves with reckless abandon.
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and he is also wild as can be. i cannot even describe the amount of energy he pulls from me in the day to day. he is a tiny destroyer, a fighter and a wild animal all wrapped into one. it has been such a learning process and a huge life lesson to me. roman was so calm. i'm not saying that I've never had struggles or issues with roman,  but it was on a much calmer scale. roman painted this picture of my expectation of motherhood for me - taking my boys to target while they sat happily in the cart looking at a toy together while i shopped, going to panera and sipping my caramel coffee across from two polite brothers calmly eating their macaroni and cheese. relaxing outside on a blanket while the boys meandered the yard while staying within view.  this was the way i mothered roman and i expected it to repeat with asher. 
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one thing that i'm learning is that motherhood isn't about me. it isn't something that is always easy or always what we expect. it is about sacrifice and self giving and it is about growth and lessons and love. i am so blessed to have ash. he is so totally unique and sometimes i wonder if there is anyone on earth quite like him. of course there isn't. every baby is new and wonderful and uniquely themselves. it is so fun to see these two beautiful souls that God gave me. i still have so much to learn. i still have so much of myself that needs to be shaken and rocked and adjusted. i still need so much more God and so much less me in my heart and mind. one challenge for me right now is mustering up the constant energy to handle asher's wild wild and crazy side. 
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but sometimes, moments happens like tonight - when we went to kroger, and the boys pushed the little kids cart together and helped pick out and load up tea and fruit and snacks, and roman stacked things up on the self checkout for me while i scanned, balancing ash on my hip, and we all pushed the cart to the car together, and it's moments like that that i feel the fog lifting, if only for a moment. :)
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1 comment:

  1. Oh this is so nice to read! Odin is also wild, wild, wild but oh so sweet. I imagine he will continue to have as much if not more energy as he grows out of babyhood and into toddlerhood. These words are reassuring!

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