two.

(words written last night while putting asher to sleep.)
a letter to my second so the night before his second birthday:
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oh how easy it is to forget, that once we were one. my skin wrapped snug around yours, my heart keeping you and giving you life. those last slow, sticky summer days feel so distant now, but I still remember the way you rolled around inside me and how i would dream of your golden hair and pouty lips. and how i would cry just thinking of touching your slippery soft baby newness for the first time face to face. how quickly your birth day came and went, and with it hundreds of days have trickled past us as well. but please know that i remember when you were still my secret kept safe inside, a quiet prayer of goodness and love.
and i know that you remember as well. the way you twirl and twirl my hair, the way you wrap yourself around me all night. the way you sing when you say mama. the way your eyebrows turn up when you need me. i know then, that you remember our secret; our love.
and please also remember that i believe you are a wonderful, passionate, delicate poem of a child. i will always, always believe in you.
i love you, my beautiful one :)
                                                                                                           

gifts.

i love photos like these - little hands holding little things.

tiny fingers touching a pinecone, trying to say a new word and then offering it to mama.

it's more than just that - it's discovery and the newness of life.

it's magic, these little things.

.

last night, as i put asher to sleep, we just savored the moment together, face to face, looking into each other's eyes. asher would take a moment here and there to silently wave, and point and give a thumbs up - never breaking our gaze. i brushed his face softly with my fingers until his eyes gently closed. 

magical moments like these are such gifts to me.

where everything else becomes background noise, and all i can see and feel is love for these little boys.

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sometimes the magic feels like too much and weighs too heavy on my heart, simply because i want so badly to save it forever. i want two little boys falling asleep with me; one waving and saying, "hi mama!" in his pip-squeeky voice and the other drifting off behind me with legs and arms tangled up around me
 in the best ever hug.

these are the moments where i'm so blissed out, it's like this is IT.

 this is life. wonder. beauty. 

in the everyday, sometimes it is hard to tap into this feeling, this life magic.

but i hope that i will never stop trying to slow down and savor this beautiful life.
that right now looks something like two little boys running down the pavement
 to meet their mama after an evening run;

smiling faces, happy squeals, mountains in the background,

hearts full - all of us.

such a gift.

moving + random memories of fall.

today is the last day in our house! of course even though we have so much to do still, i also have a last minute photo shoot that i need to wrap up. while trying to free up space on my computer, i edited these photos of asher from last october.
oh my little ashey dash - exploring the yard in fall.
 with his moccasins (which i love, but he HATES), and his little baby striped leggings. he is 15 months here.
my, how time flies. and how thankful i am for these little memories saved forever.
.
our chapter of being in this house and living in this town is coming to a close.
in ways, it is sad to go,
but we are looking onward to a brand new adventure full of many new and wonderful memories of this life to savor together.

happy things.

life has been very stressful for me lately. 

which makes me sad because in and of itself, selling most of our belongings, packing up the suv and moving out west with my family are totally things that i have hoped and dreamed of. i always long for adventure. and this is a good chance for change and for new. a good chance to dust off bad habits and replenish my soul,
our souls.

so although all of this change and new and the work that needs to be done to get there seems understandably stressful on the surface, i just didn't expect to feel this way.

.

but alas this is how it is with life. i can't always, or ever, expect things to go as i wish them to. 

it's just the natural ebb and flow of life. sometimes things feel like too much, but at the same time as i am trying to bury my head under the covers, there are so many other people dealing with their own "too much" as well.

.

having said that, today is a good day for many reasons.

i took the chance to spend time in the yard with my eager little explorer - ash. he soaked in the attention and slowly and carfully focused on all of his favorite things - checking for the bird in the bird's nest, holding my hand and saying, "go on a walk", searching for and then chasing the birds, hiding behind a tree and peeking out at me, asking me to pick him up and hold him over and over again.
calmed by his sweet meaningful baby rituals, i laid down in the grass and clover and my little blonde wonder laid down on top and sunk his little head into my chest.

and as i held onto his little body, i looked up into the trees and the little piece of sky that is still home for now, and i breathed in a good long breath of peace.

i haven't taken the chance to breathe like that in too, too long.

.

it felt so good.

life is good. 

and i want to share a little bit of the good from my life lately:

a boy who always stops to smell the flowers, whether they be the pink roses sticking out from the fence on our walk or the fake flowers on display outside the dollar store.

constantly finding a trail of mischief, and we always know it will lead to ash.

a new little basketball star in the family. and those little leather bear shoes with stripes socks and a onesie? i'm holding onto those baby things as tightly as i can for now:)

summer finally peeking out to say hello.
photographing other people. oh how i dread the editing process, but the basking in the results part is always so worth it.
and these boys. enough said.

brothers.

during the turmoil that was today - aaron reminded me that,

"nothing lasts forever."

it's true that someday soon, asher and roman will be able to play together more nicely. i have no doubt that these two boys will be partners in their imagination and will have all sorts of joyful play together for a stretch of many years. 

but today? today, i am happy to have a 5 year old and an almost 2 year old.

i love that i can still plop them up on the cement blocks at the end of our driveway and take pictures of them.

i feel lucky that they are still so small and so cute,

and i know that by having each other, they are learning lots and lots about love.

happy friday!

it's friday!

i stumbled across these two sweet brother moments in my photo library, sigh :)

this morning i woke up before anyone, and uncharacteristically decided it would be so nice to just grab the computer and go lay on the couch by myself for a little bit. so i did, but of course after about 1.5 minutes both of my little boys scampered down and joined me. i didn't mind; we just lazed about and ate a bag of "pirate popcorn" together for breakfast. a good start to the day, no?

.

 since then, it's just been an older brother playing with tin foil balls,

a little brother wrestling with mama,

couscous + mangoes for lunch,

feeling thankful for a bathtub that actually drains

(we finally got it fixed after emptying it with buckets for weeks)

and laundry that is actually clean

(our washer is slowly dying and i finally decided to do some laundry at my sister in law's)

ahh.

all the while sorting through things here and there, adding to the garage sale and trash pile.

it is very freeing although i was a little sad to finally pitch the perscription bottles leftover from asher's birth and the paints i used to always use when roman was a baby,

good, good memories. :)

.

my post about shopping clearance on spearmint baby this week!

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vote for me today?

beautiful mama award.

okay, i am usually so not into the blog award thing. i'm super picky and mostly like to journal about my sons. but when sarah from our journey nominated me a while back for the beautiful mama award, i thought it looked simple enough and it was about being a mama after all, so i'm finally giving it a try :)


{ a few mamas i'd like to nominate }
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jenn from these ripples and waves
michelle from dancey pants bebe
sally from nothing isn't nothing
hannah from little words & little pictures
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What to do:
1. Use the above image in your acceptance post.
2. List 3 things you love most about motherhood.
3. Nominate as many other deserving mamas as you'd like!
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{ 3 things i love about motherhood }

1. i love the simple everyday joys of having little ones. my favorite times are when music is playing in the background and i'm organizing or cleaning something around the house while the boys are jumping on the beds or running past me in the midst of a game they are playing. i actually love to organize and they love to play of course, and i just love when we are enjoying simple things around the house while keeping each other company.

.

2. i love getting out and exploring with my boys. when roman was little, i always took him places and i loved having that little boy always with me at the mall or the park or the thrift store. having him tag along made everything seem like a new and fun adventure. my adventures have significantly slowed down with asher in the past year, but i still love when we all get out and do something together. doing anything with little people is an adventure when you view it through their eyes. i am so looking forward to our road trip this summer and being able to explore so many new things with my family. there are many adventures in store for these little boys in the coming year!

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3. i love building the story of each of my boys. i love all of the little memories that i have to tuck away and take with me as they grow. i often tell roman little stories of his life, like when he was born and was a “purple baby” and how he cried and cried until i finally held him and he wanted to have milk right away. i love being able to share these memories with him and i do the same with asher even thought he is still so little and doesn't fully understand. these memories will always be a part of their lives whether or not they are recorded or always remembered and i love being a part of their story. ;)

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